Name the quote in Moulin Rouge where Christian throws money at Satine's feet, and you win 5 points.

Sometimes, life just seems so complicated. But really, life is only what we want it to be. If I want my life to be simple, my life will be simple. If I want it to be complicated, it will be complicated. Frankly, it's been complicated for so long. All my life, really. I am ready for a clean, fresh start again; this time for something simple. I was thinking the other day, I could easily see myself eventually living in a beach town somewhere. Somewhere like where my aunt and uncle live, up in virginia. I could write books there and relax there. Life is just not worth worrying about everything. I'm trying.

I want to find a place where I can volunteer. I've always been scared to, for some reason. But this year I want to. I want to be completely different this year. Last year was great, amazing... but I want to give more. I kept too much time for myself and the things I wanted. I don't know everything, I can only pray and guess, but I want to be able to do things while I still have the time. I absolutely MUST study abroad this summer. Everyone who reads this, MAKE ME. Remind me how much I want to go to England or France or Italy. Don't let me ignore that. I have to take my chances. In fact, make me take all my chances. I took some big ones this year, and it felt good.

This summer has been a big test for me. I normally keep myself too busy to sit down and think. And now I have the time to just sit. I've found that I have a lot of growing to do. And also that I have come very far. I need more of God in my life. much more.

If only I could speak the way I can write. When I say things, they just don't make any sense. almost never. Maybe my writing is not any better, but I have no fear when I write. I can write without wondering about a reaction.

Things I want to see: New York, Chicago, the Grand Canyon, London, PARIS, someplace with no buildings around, Boston, Texas, all of England, Ireland, everything...

Things I want to do: save someone's life, live alone, go on a trip somewhere by myself, write literature, write a song, love, be selfless, design clothes, learn to swim, stop being so shy, learn other languages, just let everything go, spend the night on a beach, learn to ride horses, learn to play guitar, read more, breathe more, relax more...

Things I love to do: take naps- especially during thunderstorms, watch movies, sing (when no one is around!), dance (lol same deal), think too much... lol, go off on tangents, make people laugh, listen to music, dress up, play with my puppy, take pictures, hugs...

i sound like such a girl.

i need to sleep.

i can't seem to find
the quiet inside my mind

This week has been so awesome. Mostly cause it hasn't been boring and it reminds me of summer a little bit. Lol. So this week I have played softball, played a real game of golf, and gone swimming. I got a 145 on 18holes of golf, but it was my first time. I thought was gona die in the golf cart though ;). John made a much better score. He wins for now. Then in softball I actually caught the ball and it was fun. Now if only I could learn how to throw! Oh well :)

I think I might get to see my Morgie this weekend!!!! That would just make my weekend amazing! Maybe she will cut my hair for me.

Cool.

I am so tired. Probably cause I have been semi-athletic this week. Golf doesn't really count. Even though I am sooooo sore from everything ever!

Tomorrow's friday!

Night! :)

My brother and my dog. Watch out Sam!!! Sneak attack! 

Bored. About to go see Shrek 2, that should be fun. I heard it's cute.

Want to leave. want to go somewhere far away. wish i was in france with lindsey.

I don't understand and i guess i never will, no matter how very hard i try. it is so simple in my mind and in my heart.

"There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not."
-La Rochefoucauld

I am so tired, in every way that you can be tired. leave me love....

Tonight: Braves game!! whew!

Tomorrow: CORTNEY AND AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

yay for an awesome end of the week! :)

lurve

Just saw Troy. Pretty good I guess. Very long.



Not a very good day.



Goodnight.

I took such a long nap today. It was nice. :)

Ok for some reason I cannot get through the end of teh Da Vinci code. I think I just dont like his writing style. Wait, yeah I don't. But I hate not finishing books. I just have like 50 pages left. That's what I get for reading a fad book.

You know what is weird? I really like my classes!! weird huh? I have fun in percussion (i think maybe i should switch from saxophone.... lol). conducting is pretty cool too. and i am getting a tan in golf.. and i guess learning to play golf too. lol.

Well.. time to watch conan o'brian and then be an insomniac some more.

Crazy bad insomnia tonight. It is 4:30 AM as I write this and I have to get up in less than 4 hours. Maybe classes wont be full length tomorrow. In any case I don't feel well and I can't sleep. So, a survey, stolen of course from another online journal:

Full Name: Molly Beth Martin
Nicknames: Molly B, Monica, Momma (hahahhahahahhahahahhahahah.....hahahahaha)
Siblings: Sam
Siblings Nicknames: Sammy... ? Sorry sam...
Age: 20
Sex: female
Pets: most adorable puppy ever, Scarlett
Birthdate: Jan 20 1984
Birthstone: garnet
Astrological Sign: not sure... acquarius or capricorn... i think i am on the cusp...
Birthplace: ATL
Best friends: you know who you are

Favorites (everyone)

Color: blue, red
Day: fav day ever?? or of the week? fine then, thursday
Food: pasta and ice cream. mm... ice cream...
Word: cellar door... not really (anyone who gets that gets major points) um, i dont know
Animal: scarlett. most dogs. cats are cool too
Sport: haha. wooo i am so athletic. football is fun to watch
Subject: ever? english
Activity: watching movies, sleeping, listening to music, talking about random stuff, being spontaneous
Store: express, limited, urban outfitters... even though i never buy anything there
Song: John Mayer- Comfortable/Quiet/Body is a wonderland/Why Georgia; Debussy- Claire de Lune; Tchaikovsky- Symph. No.s 5&6, Usher- Yeah... haha
Singer: John Mayer, James Taylor, Ben Folds, Norah Jones
Band: Beatles (old school what), Lifehouse, a lot more...
Ice cream flavor: cake batter (coldstone creamery) or just plain vanilla with sprinkles
Body part: on other people? eyes, lips, hair, hands for some reason
Alchoholic Drink: not sure, dont drink, but definitely not tequila.
Time of day: night
Season: can never ever decide my favorite season. is that weird?? i want to have a favorite and have actually spent time trying to decide, but cant
Shampoo: recently, Dove... it smells good
Soap: Also Dove... still smells good and makes me soft
Scent of perfume: i wear Chic by Carolina Herrera.. but i am almost out. time for new?
Cartoon character: freakazoid. hah.
Movie: Moulin Rouge, Cruel Intentions, Beauty and the Beast, Gone with the Wind, pretty much any movie that doesnt make me want to go to sleep.
Person to talk to: my mom

This or That

Slushie or smoothie? duh slushie
Hot fudge or caramel? hmmm.... caramel
Day or night? night
Hair up or down? mine is always too short to go up, so down
Shorts, capris, flood pants, or long pants? equally: long pants or capris
Tank top, T-shirt, or long sleeves? tank
Sandals or tennis shoes? sandals...
Cat or dog? woof
Summer or winter? hello! scroll back up, lazy bum
Spring or fall? oh man they did not just ask that
Hot or cold? .. neither
Half full or half empty? depends on what i am thinking about
Pencil or pen? pen, but only black or red ink, preferably black and only certain types of black pens. I HATE blue ink. and green for that matter.
Lace or satin? for what??? satin feels better...
Silver or gold? silver
Diamond or pearl? hmmmm..... both are pretty
Bath or shower? man, buble bath, obviously
Sun or Rain? i happen to like the rain, good for naps and being scared and getting hugs... lol.... but sun is fun to drive around in cortney's car
North or south? dude.... what?
Snow or sleet? snow
Wet or dry? dry...
Piano or guitar? oh man, both both both!!!! my two fav's....
Music or sports? Music
Short or tall? everyone is tall to me
Walk or run? hah. walk.
Computer or tv? Computer, apparently
Couch or chair? couch
Black or white? white... i own too many black clothes... switching to white now
Talk or listen? need to listen more....
Fingers or toes? my toes have flowers on them right now so... toes
Straight or bent? uh... huh?
Up or down? whatever....

Right Now

Time: 4:54 AM.... i lose
Clothes: old navy pyjama pants and an oversized long sleeved tshirt. woah, too much sexy right there.
Hair Style: sleepy hair
Doing: survey cause i cant sleep
Makeup: clean face, no makeup
Nail Polish: pink toes with yellow flowers :)
Listening to: night time... no music right now, though Doctor Gradius (Debussy) is stuck in my head (i likeit though so its ok)
Eating: last ate a cinnamon toast crunch cerial bar a looooooooooong time ago
Drinking: last drank some Coca Cola
Thinking about: a lot, not very coherantly though cause it's almost 5 AM
Feeling: tired but not sleepy

In the Last 24 Hours...

Had a party? mmm nope
Gone shopping? no
Painted your toesies? no
Eaten a cookie? haha woah.... actually no
Pissed off your brother or sister? hope not, but its possible
Called a friend? yup
Talked online? yup
Had a brain fart? probably
Shaved? yeah
Fallen? hmmm...weird... no
Worn shoes? flip flops
Gone to the bathroom? no, i am a robot...
Blinked? uh....yeah
Taken a shower? yup, two times
Put on deodorant? YES... carrie would say i am obsessed with deodorant
Gotten high off of perfume? no, but did use some
Eaten at a restaurant? zaxby's
Flirted? lol
Played odd games? hmm yeah its called the "stay up way too late" game
Put on makeup? yeah
Gotten a tan? no not really
Put on a bathing suit? nope
Put on clothes? lol yeah
Closed your eyes? not enough
Thought? a lot
Brushed your teeth? also a lot
Brushed your hair? yup
Looked out the window? yeah
Sat in a garden? i want a garden :(
Screamed? no not really
Sat on the porch? i want a porch too

Friends & Life

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? nah
Like anyone? sure
Who's your loudest friend? shelley (love you!!!), teti
What about the quietest? cortney, lindsey
Weirdest? hmm. could be me
Funniest? john, rory
Shyest? cortney, jessie
Who do you go to for advice? my mom, lindsey and laura
Who gives you the best advice? my mom, lindsey and laura
Who do you cry to? my mom, my girls, john, rory
Who do you dream about? been having weird dreams lately...
Who do you tell your dreams to? lol everyone cause they are usually really weird
Ever thought you were going to die? yeah a couple of times
Been hurt so bad that you felt like you could die? no not really
What's the best feeling? hmm, pillows and blankets, being with my family/friends, finishing a book, showers, sun, mmmm pillows and blankets again
How about the worst? being scared, butterflies touching me, feeling lonely, missing my mom

Have you ever...?

Been drunk? lol no
Blacked out? almost
Kissed someone? yeah
Made out? yeah
Caught fire? nope
Cried during a movie? uh yeah
Cried during a song? yeah
Been on stage? yup, love it
Cut your own hair? nope, i should learn though
Cut your siblings' hair? hehe no
Had an imaginary friend? i used to talk to my wash cloth in the bath tub when i was 4... does that count?
Stolen something? nah
Tried to kill yourself? nope
Wish you were someone else? not really

Do you believe in...

God? definitely
Yourself? yes of course
Your friends? yes
Santa? not for hannukah presents
Tooth Fairy? hmmm... sure why not
Angels? yes
Spirits? no
Ghosts? no not really but i like ghost stories
Monsters? no
Miracles? yes
Love at first sight? i won't believe it unless it happens to me, and it hasnt
Destiny? hmmm....
Faeries? lol no
Love? definitely
Aliens? no



man if you read all of that, i apologize. at least i am sleepy now. night...morning....

Tonight has been wonderful and relaxing. I like having my own room, however temporary.

For some reason tonight I had the urge to read through this years journal. My real one, not the online one. The one with all the real thoughts. Lol, more specific, rather. It was an interesting read, I must say. I am going to have to say that from reading my journal, I realized a few things I want to change about myself. I want to live more, contemplate less. I need to simply enjoy God's blessings. I need to focus on my goals. That seems good for now.

One thing that is going tokill me this summer is not being able to see Lindsey like I did last summer. Sometimes I don't realize how much I miss her until I get to spend more time with her. This week was so much fun. I get to spend some of the summer with laura- that will be cool! I hardly saw her at all last summer. And I miss her!! We didn't see each other very much this semester either!

You know what? Cortney and Amy's house looks soooooo lonely. :( I wish it werent lonely.

Man, reading through my journal put me through so many emotions. I'm tired.


Anyway,

day before class........

Well, it's May, and I am in Athens in a new place for a limited amount of time. May and June should be pretty fun. Classes wont be too bad. I actually think I will enjoy them. I miss my girls, and I am definitely already missing lindsey. I hope she has an awesome time in france!

Well, I just played around with this stupid juornal for forever, but now people can comment on it which is awesome. So make some comments!!!! cool.

Wow, I keep thinking about travelling places. It's probably Lindsey's excitement about France. I just keep thinking of planes and all the places I want to go. Even driving to a different city, just to see different things. If there was any way I could save up and buy a ticket to Paris or Rome this summer, I would do it. Even if I had to go all by myself, I would do it. I just miss being in very old places. Gwinnett, even Athens both feel so new compared to everything else I know is out there. I used to go to Savannah all the time, and I miss that feeling. That there are trees around older than any person alive. I keep thinking about France- the cathedrals there mostly. They are so old. Hundreds of years old, carved out of stone by hands long since gone. Carved with dedication and passion. The ceilings are taller than you could imagine and the floors are made of stone too. Everything echoes and you just feel so small. Small, but cradled. It's a nice feeling. I feel like everything around me is so processed and fake. That's part of the reason I want to go to New York. I feel like I am stuck in the middle of no where, in a place where everything is manufactured and the same. New York, to me, is such a symbol of independance. I am still tied to everything here and I want to be free.

I want Isabel Archer's Europe... with everything at her fingertips. I want Dagny Taggart's New York.

I want choices....

Lonely room. :( Not fun.

However Brooks and Kyle and Stewart have kept me entertained. And Kyle is making me update this thing.

So lots of questions on what "wow" means from my last post. The world will never know. Sorry to disappoint. :)

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo man I wish i was in new york starting my new life with new things to do. Tired of being in this setting.... weird... I never felt like that in high school. Oh well.

Piano proficiency tomorrow.

Someone get me out of here. Please.

I feel really alone. :( Not used to that. And that's my biggest fear.

Sleep will help I hope. Bye