Sometimes, life just seems so complicated. But really, life is only what we want it to be. If I want my life to be simple, my life will be simple. If I want it to be complicated, it will be complicated. Frankly, it's been complicated for so long. All my life, really. I am ready for a clean, fresh start again; this time for something simple. I was thinking the other day, I could easily see myself eventually living in a beach town somewhere. Somewhere like where my aunt and uncle live, up in virginia. I could write books there and relax there. Life is just not worth worrying about everything. I'm trying.

I want to find a place where I can volunteer. I've always been scared to, for some reason. But this year I want to. I want to be completely different this year. Last year was great, amazing... but I want to give more. I kept too much time for myself and the things I wanted. I don't know everything, I can only pray and guess, but I want to be able to do things while I still have the time. I absolutely MUST study abroad this summer. Everyone who reads this, MAKE ME. Remind me how much I want to go to England or France or Italy. Don't let me ignore that. I have to take my chances. In fact, make me take all my chances. I took some big ones this year, and it felt good.

This summer has been a big test for me. I normally keep myself too busy to sit down and think. And now I have the time to just sit. I've found that I have a lot of growing to do. And also that I have come very far. I need more of God in my life. much more.

If only I could speak the way I can write. When I say things, they just don't make any sense. almost never. Maybe my writing is not any better, but I have no fear when I write. I can write without wondering about a reaction.

Things I want to see: New York, Chicago, the Grand Canyon, London, PARIS, someplace with no buildings around, Boston, Texas, all of England, Ireland, everything...

Things I want to do: save someone's life, live alone, go on a trip somewhere by myself, write literature, write a song, love, be selfless, design clothes, learn to swim, stop being so shy, learn other languages, just let everything go, spend the night on a beach, learn to ride horses, learn to play guitar, read more, breathe more, relax more...

Things I love to do: take naps- especially during thunderstorms, watch movies, sing (when no one is around!), dance (lol same deal), think too much... lol, go off on tangents, make people laugh, listen to music, dress up, play with my puppy, take pictures, hugs...

i sound like such a girl.

i need to sleep.

i can't seem to find
the quiet inside my mind