I'm so very very close.

So close that I can hear and see and feel and smell and dream as if it was real. So very very close and still not there. And I am so at peace with it all, except for tonight, when i am still there in a very real dream that is seems to pass in and out of solidity to me. One minute I can see through to the next dream and one minute it is all that is before me.

So when is the point when i wake up? Or is it that I must decide first whether this real, and if it is, I must somehow learn to keep it, and if it will forever be a dream, i must find out how to walk through it to the next one?

And this dream smells like Christmas to me, like pinetrees and cold air and apples and spice and and sweaters and warmth. This dream is vivid to me, like a lense I see through that makes the world a million times more distinct and sharp.
And I woke up every hour last night almost and the dream continued from sleep to coherence for a few moments, and I would then realize that something very tiny was missing, and it was not a feeling or a difference in thinking... merely a simple physical inconsistancy. But never have I wanted more to sleep, where dreams are the only reality.

Oh Lord, please hold my hand and walk me through the fog, or hold me while it passes over me, or teach me to see it as it really is. Please...