If only I were not so vague; if only I had the courage for detail, for name. I did once, but it was not bravery, it was more blind momentum. And for that lack of thought and prayer and timing, I immediately whirled myself into the exact same path. I solved nothing, sparked nothing, learning only that my actions mean nothing without thought. What a simple lesson. Now I know. And before it was no better; no better to wait silently for months, for years, only to find that all ihad ever needed was to speak. Now I have touched both extremes and must learn somehow to find the medium. I must speak, but I must first know when and how and why... I must know why I want to say the words. I must be certain that I am not blind in thought, and i must know that my reasons are true. But i must forever be vague here... God knows my true words... and so does my other journal... the real one.

If only i could say more....