Very much contemplative tonight. Knowing that I will have to wait so very long; knowing that in my heart. Yet sometimes pretending its not so.... pretending that I could be what I needed to be and worrying that I am not. All the while not really sure, because who can be sure of what God needs you to be? Yet just hoping that I had made something of my life that was worthy, hoping and never and always finding assurance. I know I have done so much with my life and yet I'm still so convicted that it's not good enough and I have a long way to go. And that I'll always have a long way to go. And I know that the work i will put into my goals is not labor but sacrifice, but I wonder that I will never grow weary? That I will never find things that other people find. I am not lost, and although content, still curious, still seeking. I have everything I need. Nothing else could satiate me, and yet sometimes there are nights when I cry, like tonight. I think they just happen, because I know that I am so very happy right now. Everyday I wake up and thank God for all that He has given me, but tonight I cry. Maybe just because I am a girl or maybe because I know that sometimes I just have to be sad for a little bit. So tonight is my night. I will be happy in the morning.

Goodnight, to whomever still reads this. I think one day i will explain all this, just not today, not here.