I LOVE... EVERYTHING!!!!!

My life right now is so amazing, because God has given me more than I will ever need. Not like I won the lottery or anything, but I am just so enthused, so energetic, so ready for the next moment and so in life with the present! I cannot even describe the energy I have right now, inspite of all physical odds that I could be so awake and in motion. The need to sleep has become more a need to serve God- and that's where I find not only my rest but also my anticipation.

I am surrounded by amazing people in my life, new and old. I feel like although I am small and specific, I am at peace with the idea of bigger tapestries that may include my own thread. I feel like whatever I do or say is adding to the beauty of something, even when I mess things up. As if I were in an impressionist painting, and an imperfect brushtroke is the life of the painting. Specific and unique, it is never something that anyone could see as beautiful, but taken as a whole it makes perfect, complete sense and serenity. Perhaps that is the real beauty of Monet, Renoir, Manet, Van Gogh..... we understand them at a level in which we cannot put into words, but something that merely makes sense. A whole which exists but we will never see. Peace, however, that it is there is proof that it exists, and I am living proof of that peace. All I know is that right now I feel that serenity, and I know that although I am tiny, I am intensely part of something.

I cannot see my path right now, but I know that I am where I should be. Everything that has happened in my life for the past few months has made sense to me. I could never explain why these things have made sense; I simply know that they could be no other way, and that is a quite amazing feeling.

As if this summer I reorganized myself... into an efficient machine combining emotion and logic and faith. Somehow I have completely stripped myself of old destructive layers, masks, and weights. I now feel free and light and as if I could sing an opera anytime, anyplace (ask my roomates... they hear me in the shower!!). I can't stop hearing the music in my head and in my heart. I want so much to be a part of everything musically beautiful! I want music to be in my hands and in my voice and in my eyes and in my motions. I want to impart music to others. The fact that I say these things is unbelievable..... the fact that I am a major in music is completely unlikely, and yet it is perfect and just an unexpected turn of God's plan. Had I not gone to UGA, or not listened to Mr. Beach on one day a year and a half ago, I would not be here, and never feel this amazing peace.

I am too excited to sleep... but for what?? I have everything to be excited for and yet I dont know what these things are!! However, I need to try to sleep anyway. Goodnight, goodnight!!