I say so many things that i don't mean to say; that come out
wrong. Everything, in fact... I am not very good at communication
when I am stressed out. Then I get upset because I feel
amazingly, profoundly stupid. More than any of you will ever
know. It's hard to be able to put everything down on paper and
then, when i speak, it's like no words come out at all. If I
could just press pause sometimes, and rewrite and edit and submit some
sort of presentation... that would work much better for me than just
talking.



I don't have regrets... I really don't. I do however regret that i never learned how to talk... that sucks. Hah.



I don't understand a lot of things in life right now; it's like I woke
up one day and God decided to play a joke on me where red was blue and
night was day. Home doesnt feel like home, school doesnt feel
like school. I don't know where I'll be in ten years, two years,
next semester. I don't remember what's right and
wrong. Seriously... do you ever think about the things you do,
and remember when there was such a line between right and wrong in
kindergarten? I am not sure anymore. The things I do are
right to some people and wrong to others. Finally I am getting to
the point where I know I can't make everyone happy, and that I only
have to answer to me and God. But Lord knows I am trying.



I am going through a major point in my life right now. It's one
of those summers where I am going to come out completely
different. I don't sound like me, I don't think like me. I
don't even know who I am right now. Don't know what I want.
Need a change... a huge change in my life. Goodness, I miss my
friends right now.... all of them.



I don't know what it is that I am looking for, or what I need right
now. But I am not finding it here. I need more than
this! I need more out of life!!! And I will have more out
of life... I'm the one that has to do something about it. I
can't depend on others to be what I need for a fabulous life.
That's unfair to everyone. My friends and family are what makes my life incredible, but i shouldn't depend on them for that.



Time for me to make something out of my life. I will move
to New York, I will work for the life I've always dreamed of, I will
find all the things I need, and the whole time, I will have faith in
God. There is a greater purpose to everything. Everytime
that I have felt otherwise, I have been proven wrong, without a
doubt. And here's a little known fact about me- I have almost
never been mad at anyone, except for myself. If I have gotten
upset with you, it is probably just a projection of me wanting to do
better for you, for everyone. Especially recently. And I
will do better. I fix it; I always do. Just wait... you'll
see... ;) When I fail, I get mad. And that's the only time
I am really ever that mad. I don't get mad at others when they
fail, just myself.



I am so complicated. Makes for good stories I suppose.
Makes it hard to order at a restaurant though. Oh well.
.....



No regrets......... promise.



And if you ever stop to wave goodbye

You jsut might find if you give it time you will wave hello again

Youjust might wave hello again



And that's the way this wheel keeps working now

that's the way this wheel keeps working now



You can't love too much one part of it

You can't love too much one part of it



I believe that my life's gonna see

The love I give returned to me




~John Mayer