I didn't sleep very well last night... and I don't think tonight will be much better. And this week is going to be so busy for me.

Sometimes I just wanna forget a lot of things. Things no journal will ever see. No pen will ever touch these memories... they deserve to be forgotten. Things that no one will hear about. I do want to leave here. Sometimes...

I want a life where I can be happy when I go to sleep... I want to have accomplished something besides grades on a report card. I am so tired of school... it gets me nowhere. I don't know why I am here. I don't know why I am in Georgia. I don't know what I am doing in class. As I sit in class, I can't concentrate... I can't even imagine what economic theory is going to benefit in my life. Does it help me love anyone more than I already could? It's all ridiculous. Why can't I be passionate about something and simply follow that... why do all of these stupid rules apply? Why can't I sit and write all day? Why can't I play the music I want to play? I feel so boxed in. I never felt like that in high school... I knew I was going to be out someday. But I'm here, and I can't stand to go to class. And it feels like it will never end. And if I don't study all these pointless things, I'll regret it later, for I will need the grades to do more pointless things. And the things I really want to do are out of my reach. Not writing, not playing music... but the life I want to live... the help i want to give someone... it seems so impossible to me. Right now I have to sit there and listen and watch them suffer... I know its not the life they wanted. I will do anything in my power to change that for them, because of all things in my life, the knowledge of all they gave up for me and the knowledge of how much they love me, breaks my heart more than anything ever will. And the knowledge that I have to change the cards they were given is the only thing that pulls me forward. I can't sit there and watch, because if I can't make their life better someday, I think my life will be completely purposeless. I honestly feel that, if I cannot help them. I pray to God that I can help them, though.

What a huge rambling. A huge rambling that makes no sense to anyone. The day when I will be able to tell someone all of this, that day will be the deepest breath of my life. and that's a long way away

and i've got miles to go before i sleep...