I can't do anything right. I can't!!!!!!!!

I hate fighting, but even when I try to do what's best, I can't. I pray about things and I think things through and I stress myself out over it, but in the end apparently I am doing everything wrong. It's like I am a photo negative, everything I do or say appears to everyone else the opposite of what it is in my mind. I see black, they see white. I say yes, they hear no.

I was trying to make you happy. I was trying to be the best friend I could be. I thought you didnt want me there, I thought I was complying with your wishes by simply disappearing for a few days. You said the other day "A friend doesn't need honesty when they are really upset." Well I disagree; and I gave you honesty but you didnt want it. I'd never give you anything but complete and total honesty, but you didnt want that, so instead I just kept quiet. If I could only help you understand that I love you more than anything and would never hurt you, I was trying so hard to be what you needed, and I thought you just needed time away. I knew my words were stressing you out, so I tried to take the stress away. I knew I wasn't helping anything, so I tried to help by not being there. How can I explain? How can i impart to you that my thoughts and heart were with you and I wanted more than anything to be there for you... I simply thought this was what you wanted. I never said the things you heard. I was never angry, I definitely wasn't angry for the reasons you heard. I am sorry you had to hear anything from anyone, but please please try to understand that those things weren't correct. You know me so well, you are one of my best friends.... have you ever known me to intentionally hurt someone? To force drama or pain or stress upon anyone? Why would I do that to you? I dont understand how you could think that... but I would never ever hurt you. I'd do anything for you. Obviously if I had known I would be making you angry I would have chosen different actions. Please understand!! I was never angry!!!!! I give my all to my friends, to my family, to the people I love. Without them I have nothing, and why would I give anything less to you? I wasn't being childish. Had I chosen the childish road I would have been angry at you for not accepting the things I said. For you to say I was childish breaks my heart, I have worked so very hard to grow up from what I was a long long time ago, before you ever knew me. Laura and Lindsey knew me then. If I have come no farther than that, then I have done nothing with my life; I have not grown at all. But I am telling you that every action was in your interest, not my own. And I hope my words make some sense, that the reality of what i am saying can overcome the assumptions that both of us have made. please please dont be angry.... it breaks my heart to know that it's my fault.....