So today was Yom Kippur. I'm not going to give you the long version, but part of it is thinking about who you are and what you do, and thinking about who you actually want to be, and how you actually want to live life.

Which is something I have been thinking about lately anyway.

I'm cynical, which is funny sometimes. And sometimes sad. I am sarcastic. Which is funny to me almost always, but maybe not always the best choice. I am less serious more often, which is bad and good. I am artistically curious, which is fantastic in my mind. I am intellectually curious. I am slightly naive, perhaps moreso in the readers' minds than in my own. I think about important things but never talk about them; hardly ever write about them. I am competitive. I block out the news and current events because I think I can't help. I laugh a lot in my life, which is something I would like to keep.

I think I might be forcing an ignorance of the world on myself, in order to maintain some sort of innocence. I do not believe that I was meant to be ignorant in life. And I am not sure I could give you a distinct difference between the two, except that I am struggling against growing out of innocence, and I am struggling against growing into ignorance.

I want to have some cause that is bigger than myself. Something that I truly believe in, and something that I work for. I believe in music, art, literature... but I believe these mediums have to say something. I will sit staring at my computer at night, wanting to write and write and write, and having no reason to write down the thoughts in my head. Except one, and that is that I have a deep (and perhaps egocentric) belief that if I actually said these things, that it would be something important, something lasting, and something good. I have complete faith in my ability to do one thing, and it is not music, in fact.

I am not really writing this entry for you, readers. Just something to keep myself on track. But you are welcome to read, to respond, to skim, to ignore. And don't be deceived, I am not sad. Just thinking (as always, though you may not be able to tell).

Goodnight.